we’re くコ:彡 entering squid territory
Oh, bad idea.
So, my hubbie’s having a bit of a bad month, and I make the HORRIFIC mistake of looking up “How to be a good wife.” online. I admit, I was mostly expecting “Give him a blow job” stuff and was prepared to filter out/utilise the sex tips as I saw fit.
I think I would rather have had the sex tips than this:
Prepare yourself. Take 15 min. to rest so that you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.
Seriously? A ribbon in my hair? Touch up my make-up? I am not a doll
Be happy to see him. Greet him with a smile and act glad to see him.
I don’t need to “act” I am glad to see him.
Some don’ts, don’t greet him with a problem or complaint. Don’t complain if he’s late for dinner. Count this minor compared with what he might have gone through during the day.
While I can appreciate it’s not great to come home to a complaining wife, my opinions and problems are as valid as his.
Make him feel comfortable. Have him lean back into a comfortable chair or suggest he lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him. Arrange his pillows and offer to massage his neck and shoulders and take off his shoes. Speak in a soft, soothing, pleasant voice.
To be honest, I think if I did this my husband would assume I was a) divorcing him or b) had been brainwashed by something creepy. Especially if I altered my voice to be “pleasant.” (by which I assume the original author of this means “demure.”)
Make the evening his. Never complain if he does not take you out to dinner or to other places of entertainment. Instead try to understand his world of strain and pressure, his need to be home and relax.
Surely that’s for him, not me, to decide. Maybe he’d rather go out and relax than stay in and relax? And if he’s not enquiring after my needs, don’t I have a right to complain?
Prepare the children. Take just a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair and if necessary change their clothes. They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.
Firstly “prepare the children” makes it seem like I’m basting them for dinner. Also, I think my husband would rather see his kid being his own delightful self rather than “playing a part”
Clear away the children. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, then run a dust cloth over the tables. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too.
"Clear away the children"? That’s a great idea. I’m sure I’ve got the box they came in around here somewhere.
And here I thought a good relationship was all about open communication, acceptance, love and compromise. Turns out, it’s about keeping the kids clean and out of sight, making myself pretty and my house tidy, and above all else keeping my mouth shut.
(I am fairly sure it’s been regurgitated from a 50s manual, but whoever wrote it seemed to be trying to apply it to modern life…)
reading a john green book is having your heart ripped out twelve times and in the end he’s just sitting there in the back of the book smiling like AHahhhAHAHAHHAHA this mother fucker fell for it